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Your Compass to Developing Secure Attachment - The Stability Wheel

Updated: Jan 3

Stability Wheel: A wheel with 6 spokes. Each spoke shows a different category of needs: social, spiritual, sexual, creative, physical, and emotional.

In western society, the mind likes to keep things siloed and separate. In reality, everything is interconnected - your needs included. Rather than feeling like your needs have to compete with each other, the wheel helps you visualize how your needs work together for you to stay emotionally resilient. The more balanced you meet each category of need, the smoother you will roll through life. That’s not to say there won’t be bumps in the road, but when there are bumps, you won’t be taken out by them.

If you have anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or anxious-avoidant attachment, you're gonna wanna design a Stability Wheel!

Identifying your needs is the first step to developing secure attachment.

Folks with secure attachment experience lower levels of stress and

deeper intimacy. 💜

Here's how to create your own Stability Wheel:

1. Identify what categories your needs generally fall under

  • You can use the categories shown in this model or you can adjust them to better fit your life.

2. Draw a big circle

3. Draw a spoke for each category of needs & label them accordingly

4. List bullet points of specific needs within each category. Include the frequency for each need. (This will help you measure how close or far away you are from getting your needs met.)

  • What do you absolutely need to be well sexually, spiritually, emotionally, creatively, socially, physically, etc.?

  • ​​What do you need:

  • every day?

  • every week?

  • every month?

  • every couple months?

  • every year?

  • For example:

  • journal every day

  • sing every day

  • stretch every day

  • create art once a week

  • socialize twice a week

  • masturbate 4 times a week

  • cook myself a meal 5 times a week

  • go camping once every 2 months

  • 4 weeks vacation once per year

  • etc.


  • How are your needs interdependent?

  • How do they relate to each other?

  • Draw lines or color code how they each feed into each other.

If you need additional guidance completing the Stability Wheel, schedule a curiosity call and I can talk you through it :)

Or check out Design Your Compass - a yearly workshop where I guide you step by step while you connect with other folks who are developing secure attachment. 💜

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