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What is Relationship Anarchy?

Updated: Feb 20

I know, I know.

The name can sound intense.

But don't be alarmed.

We're not talking about chaos, disorder or an absence of boundaries - you know, the way mainstream U.S. culture portrays anarchy.

The truth is, anarchy simply means without hierarchy.

The prefix -an meaning without.

And the suffix -archy meaning ruler.

Society's collective phobia of anarchy mirrors the fear that, without social hierarchies, there would be chaos and destruction.

And it's no coincidence that our collective imaginations have been manipulated to fear the absence of a ruler.

We've been tricked into fearing our own liberation.

But more on this later 😉

So what is Relationship Anarchy?

Well, it's practically impossible to cover all of the multidimensional facets of Relationship Anarchy in a single sentence.

So I've created a table below that outlines the main differences in contrast to Mono-Normative culture.

I'll be diving deeper into each of these facets listed below with new blog posts. So, subscribe for notifications if you haven't already. As I post new articles, I'll link them to the bullet points below. Keep an eye out!

But if I were to attempt to describe Relationship Anarchy in one sentence, I'd say:

it's a lifestyle that puts interdependent relationships with the social ecosystem at the center of your life instead of having your life revolve around a singular person - particularly a sexual/romantic partner.

Mono-Normative Culture

Mono-Normative culture prioritizes one person over all other relationships. More power is given to sexual/romantic relationships. It's hierarchical in nature.

Relationship Anarchy

Non-Hierarchical Relationships revolve around community rather than a single sexual/romantic partner. The people in the inner and outer circles ebb and flow as life organically ebbs and flows over time.

There's so much more to be said, of course, so check out the table below.


Relationship Anarchy

Rooted in Scarcity

Rooted in Abundance

Cultures of War

Cultures of Care

  • collaboration through competition

  • collaboration through cooperation

  • control - based partnerships

  • trust - based partnerships

(motivated by fear)

(motivated by courage)

  • domination based relationships

  • consent based relationships

  • extractive

  • reciprocal

Trauma Response

Law of the Universe

(internalized systems of oppression)


  • anti-social

  • pro-social

  • codependence

  • interdependence

  • life centered around nuclear family

  • life centered around community

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