The energy is settling down in Downtown Berkeley. I can finally sleep at night. I'm walking around the empty streets in privacy so I start to dance as if I'm in the privacy of my own bedroom.
I've walked these streets a thousand times. How is it that I'm enjoying myself so much in this moment compared to countless others?
I realize that in this moment there are no eyes viewing me. That it's easy to be myself when I'm alone. How the fear of other people's judgement has had me walking stiffly, rushing towards my destination.
It becomes clear to me that physical liberation starts in your mind. That freedom is choice of courage, available at every moment of every day. That if I'm truly living for myself then I'm listening to what my body needs no matter who else is around.
It becomes apparent how crowds, group chats and my Instagram feed have been flooding my body with fear as messages come pouring in. How, at this moment, fear is amplified in the quantum field, bleeding onto me. How when my body doesn't move, swing, sway, spin, skip, shake and boogie that energy stays trapped.
I realize how I have been prisoner to the eyes of others. Yet, I cannot control who is viewing me. Just like life. I cannot control the circumstances of life - if a loved one dies, if my best friend moves away, if a global pandemic strikes. Life is unpredictable because the only constant is change.
I see how it takes courage to surrender to the ebb and flow of life. How trying to replicate what you had in the past is resisting the present moment. How clinging to the past, which no longer exists, creates suffering.
I giggle to myself as a smile stretches across my face. I start dancing even more silly, gliding barefoot through the streets and into nature, skipping and dancing in loopty loops to the beautiful music in my ears. I realize how free I feel. My smile widens, spilling over my cheeks.
It occurs to me that I had been asking the universe for some time now that I may have a moment to rest. To sit with the trauma I've been unpacking the past 2 years. The trauma that I've been pressured to operate on top of in a go-go-go, "gotta pay the rent" kind of world. I have been asking the universe to give me time to return to a human being rather than a human doing.
I dance in gratitude, realizing the universe has gifted me this request. A pause. An opportunity to release all this pent up energy that has been trapped by the hustle of the 9-5. I laugh to myself as I picture myself one day telling my grandchildren how I survived a global pandemic. What a life!
I kiss the earth, wishing her well. When our mother is well we are all well. I'm grateful for all her beauty and spaciousness she makes available to us every single day. I hug a eucalyptus tree, thanking her for keeping our air clean. For giving us life.
Getting into open nature grants me the opportunity to be with my own thoughts and unplug from the scarcity energy from my social ecosystem. Practicing gratitude raises my vibration out of fear and into love where my immune system can thrive. All of a sudden I have access to joy and abundance.
Being surrounded by the trees and touching my bare skin to the earth is like hitting a reset button. Thanking the universe for keeping me safe now and into the future allows the universe to receive that message and fulfill. After all, the energy you put out is what you receive. All of a sudden I'm physically safer on an energetic level.
It dawns on me what an unlikely and unpredictable series of events occurred to where I ended up exactly where I am now, in a Buddhist co-op that operates outside of capitalism. I exchange my work for housing plus two meals a day. I don't have rent nor food nor shelter to worry about. I'm safe. I have stability. My needs are getting met. It becomes clear to me that the universe loves me and takes care of me. It feels so good to be alive.
The word "'Apocalypse' is a Greek word meaning revelation, an unveiling or unfolding of things not previously known and which could not be known apart from the unveiling" [source]. The corona virus is revealing the disharmony with which we are living in the natural world. How as a society, we prioritize capital over life. How unsustainable this is.
This great unveiling also reveals to me where I have been living in disharmony with my own priorities. How I have been suppressing my needs, my freedom and joy by prioritizing how other people perceive me.
I begin to examine further where I'm living out of harmony with my own priorities. I start waking up as the sun rises and going to bed shortly after the sun sets. I intend to live in harmony with nature, which is you, which is me. To move out of the city where life is structured to induce stress and anxiety so I can focus my energy on thriving rather than returning to homeostasis.
What are your top priorities? What has this great revealing revealed to you?