A Framework to Help you be an Ethical Slut
"Non-monogamy sounds really appealing, but I'm worried about sexual health. How are you supposed to stay safe while navigating multiple sexual partners?"
Great question!
It’s no secret that sexual health is taboo! When we lack the language to articulate our needs, it can be challenging to set and hold boundaries. Here are a set of questions to guide your conversation when establishing boundaries with a new play partner.
Creating New Paradigms with Intentional Language
Language shapes our reality. Within a paradigm of sex negativity it’s common to frame the question, “Did your test come out clean or dirty?” However, this would imply that if you test positive for an STI, that you - as a person - are dirty. It feels insulting at the very least, and makes it even harder to talk about these things. Avoid using language that implies judgement like “clean” or “dirty”. Catching a cold doesn’t make someone dirty, so how does catching something via your genitals make it any different? We have the ability to create a new reality - a sex positive reality - through the language that we use.
Stigma Free Questions for Safer Sex:
When was the last time you were tested?
What did you get tested for? (chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, syphilis, HPV, etc.)
What were the results? (positive or negative)
What barriers do you prefer to use? (condom, dental dam, no fluid exchange, gloves, etc.)
Who have you exchanged fluids with since the last time you were tested?
What is their status / the status of their partners? (repeat questions 1-5)