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5 Quick Tips for Long Distance Dating

As someone who’s top two love languages are quality time and physical touch, long distance dating can feel incredibly challenging for me! 😬

But for the right person, I know it’s worth it in the end. 🥰

Here are some tips I’ve learned from my experience that help set a long distance relationship up for success. May they bring ease and joy into your love life 💜

1. Determine where your needs & desires align

This will help you both feel energized in the relationship so it can be sustainable.
  • Each person privately writes out a list of their needs & desires.

  • For example:

  • I need quality time.

  • How much quality time?

  • An hour per week?

  • 2 hours per week?

  • Once a month?

  • I need to feel prioritized.

  • What would it look like to be a priority in someone’s life?

  • How could you measure that?

  • What are some examples? (I feel like a priority in your life when...)

  • etc.

  • After the lists are complete, compare both lists side by side and see where you overlap.

  • Where can you meet each other in the middle?

2. Set clear expectations

This will help prevent resentment & anxiety from building.
  • How often do you expect to text each other?

  • How quickly do you expect each other to respond?

  • Does all of this feel sustainable?

  • Keep checking in periodically

  • What needs to adjust from here?

3. Create structure

This will help you successfully carry out your intentions. I mean, you worked so hard to come together! Let's make it work :)
  • Based on needs & desires convo, create structure around how you interact.

  • Examples:

  • Schedule a biweekly phone call in the calendar

  • Schedule weekly video calls in the calendar

  • Set a goal of talking 3 times a week on the phone at random intervals

  • Set an intention to visit each other twice a year

  • etc.

4. Find an activity you can do over time and space

Shared experiences offer another way to bond outside of giving each other updates about your day.
  • Examples:

  • Read a book together and schedule calls to share thoughts/reflections on each chapter

  • Watch movies/documentaries

  • Share photos and tell the story behind them

  • Share songs or create a playlist together

  • Download an app where you can play games together (like karoake)

  • etc.

5. Find online communities you can both participate in

This will help you feel more integrated into each other's worlds.
  • Examples:

  • Meditation groups

  • Peer support groups

  • Poly, reparenting, queer, trans, sobriety, etc.

  • Courage of Care (a spiritual activist organization) has some great offerings!

  • Special interest groups

  • Join a national/global activist organization

  • Book clubs

  • Yoga

  • Take a class / workshop or training

  • Check out one of the Energy Healings I facilitate every third Saturday of the month :)

  • etc.

Like I said, these are things that have helped me in my long distance relationships. Which of these works well in your experience? What would you add to this list?

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