As someone who’s top two love languages are quality time and physical touch, long distance dating can feel incredibly challenging for me! 😬
But for the right person, I know it’s worth it in the end. 🥰
Here are some tips I’ve learned from my experience that help set a long distance relationship up for success. May they bring ease and joy into your love life 💜
1. Determine where your needs & desires align
This will help you both feel energized in the relationship so it can be sustainable.
Each person privately writes out a list of their needs & desires.
I need quality time.
How much quality time?
An hour per week?
2 hours per week?
Once a month?
I need to feel prioritized.
What would it look like to be a priority in someone’s life?
How could you measure that?
What are some examples? (I feel like a priority in your life when...)
After the lists are complete, compare both lists side by side and see where you overlap.
Where can you meet each other in the middle?
2. Set clear expectations
This will help prevent resentment & anxiety from building.
How often do you expect to text each other?
How quickly do you expect each other to respond?
Does all of this feel sustainable?
Keep checking in periodically
What needs to adjust from here?
3. Create structure
This will help you successfully carry out your intentions. I mean, you worked so hard to come together! Let's make it work :)
Based on needs & desires convo, create structure around how you interact.
Schedule a biweekly phone call in the calendar
Schedule weekly video calls in the calendar
Set a goal of talking 3 times a week on the phone at random intervals
Set an intention to visit each other twice a year
4. Find an activity you can do over time and space
Shared experiences offer another way to bond outside of giving each other updates about your day.
Read a book together and schedule calls to share thoughts/reflections on each chapter
Share photos and tell the story behind them
Share songs or create a playlist together
Download an app where you can play games together (like karoake)
5. Find online communities you can both participate in
This will help you feel more integrated into each other's worlds.
Peer support groups
Poly, reparenting, queer, trans, sobriety, etc.
Courage of Care (a spiritual activist organization) has some great offerings!
Special interest groups
Join a national/global activist organization
Take a class / workshop or training
Check out one of the Energy Healings I facilitate every third Saturday of the month :)
Like I said, these are things that have helped me in my long distance relationships. Which of these works well in your experience? What would you add to this list?